all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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