please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
