I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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