She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I cut my penus on the lid.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
