my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
