I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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