i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
