Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
