I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
