oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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