So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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