tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
