he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
