kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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