I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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