help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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