I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
