I would go down on you faster than GM stock
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
