I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we made out on top of his cat.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
