we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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