is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
