too bad you live with your parents still
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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