During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
