I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
