Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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