If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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