Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You smell like stripper and shame
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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