so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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