So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
