umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
