What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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