I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
