What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
