i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
