I haven't been this sober since birth.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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