Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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