Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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