They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
