is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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