i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
