so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
