I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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