my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
