dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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