Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
