I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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