he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
