In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
