i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
