I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
