apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
