i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
