Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize