You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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