i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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