Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
