Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
