I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
