I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you win again, gameday.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
