ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
