Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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