i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
