tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
