im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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