That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
