toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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