I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
