Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
