if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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