he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
