Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
