I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
