I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
