The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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