i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
