closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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