so let's talk penis.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
