Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
