that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
