return my video game
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
