he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
