Soap is not a condiment
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
