whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's the barista slut.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
