I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
