I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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