he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
