Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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