DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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