He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
