So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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