So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize