i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
