I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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